SHITCOINS DOMINATE UTILITY COINS IN CRYPTO WINTER OLYMPICS …

SHITCOINS DOMINATE UTILITY COINS IN CRYPTO WINTER OLYMPICS 5K

More exclusive coverage of the Crypto Winter Olympics with breaking news from the Crypto Winter 5K marathon. The Crypto Winter Marathon, otherwise known as “The Race to the Top,” invites all 95,000 cryptos to run to the top of Crypto Mountain through 5k of icy terrain including sloping graphs, slippery logic and cold marketing.

It has traditionally been dominated by utility coins/tokens that can prove their functionality during a bear market. In fact, most serious intellectuals in CryptoSpace were in agreement that functional cryptos aka UTILITY coins would finally shine.

The big three took the podium with Bitcoin Core taking the Gold, ETH taking Silver and Binance Coin BNB nipping at Ethereum's heels for the Bronze despite widespread allegations of doping. Fans were left speechless however, when the Crypto Winter Marathon was otherwise dominated by scam, fraud and conspiracy coins.

One coin named Solana literally tripped and fell 6 times but still came in 10th despite not even knowing how to run.

Avalanche, having the homefield advantage on a snowy mountain, still came in 17th after getting caught red-handed tying together the shoelaces of its opponents in the locker room. Crypto fans booed judges who refused to disqualify AVAX to no avail. Tempers then began to flare.

One favorite to move up the rankings this year was BSV, a coin supposedly backed by the real-life Satoshi Nakamoto that had solved the #2 problem in all of crypto- SCALING. With all the functionalities of Ethereum plus big improvements on environmental impact over Bitcoin Core, it was seen by many to be a competitor this year.

However, one of the most eventful moments of the race happened when BSV was BTFO by LUNA CLASSIC.

After crashing the entire crypto market, losing 99% of it's value to become sub-penny and being abandoned by its core developers, LUNC somehow made an amazing pass on a chilly ledge to come in 33rd place- an astonishing 17 places ahead of BSV, who would come in a paltry 51st.

Fans who thought running a clean race would give them the edge were aghast as LUNC flew past BSV from behind. The former CEO of LUNA was on the run from South Korean officials after shattering the personal finances of thousands of followers. To make matters worse, millions of LUNC were held up in the bankruptcy proceedings of Voyager and other exchanges.

Yet BNB (Binance Coin) trainers had helped LUNC prepare for uphill climb by building a burning mechanism that actually reduces the total supply of LUNC on every transaction, which surprised many onlookers.

At that turn BSV fans practically begged Satoshi to give them a big WIN in the public eye by pressing a button on a Nitrous tank he had hidden in his coin. However, when he surprisingly admitted he didn't actually have the NO2 tank the BSV fans thought he had all hell broke loose.

Bitcoin Satoshi Vision fans began scampering off the mountain side as they were pelted by snowballs from other attendees who accused them of cheating, even though they thought they were the good guys. To make matters worse, the melee broke out just as the SHIBA INU dog came roaring past Satoshi in an embarrassing “poster dunk” moment in front of the cameras.

SHIBA roared all the way up the mountain to claim 12th place despite having built an “ecosystem” that allows cyber predators to openly rob noobs with no repercussions.

"This race is for everyone who thinks eliminating the customer service department from their personal banking is actually a good idea," exclaimed SHIBA INU. "Shiba army, bitches!"

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