BREAKING: Founder of Silkroad, Ross Ulbricht, attacked upon…

BREAKING:
Founder of Silkroad, Ross Ulbricht, attacked upon release following President Trump's pardon by madman.
"A visibly inebriated man in a very strange suit, red socks, no shoes and a thick Australian accent attacked Ulbricht as he was leaving prison.
He ran after him with a samurai sword, which fortunately he couldn't get out of the sheath, what made him even more furious. He hit the surprised Ulbricht several times with the sheathed sword, screaming profanities and insults, prompting mothers to cover their children's hears and eyes.
He then proceeded to get naked and jumped into a nearby wishing-well, where he was arrested by local police, while chanting 'I own all you bloody bastards.'"